i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
