WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
