Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
