I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
im on a boat
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