Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
