Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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