I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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