I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
