i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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