brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
