Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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