He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
