I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
