just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
