K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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