when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
