don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
