dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
