she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
