please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
