her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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