My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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