Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
