i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
