There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
