sarcasm needs its own font
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
