Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You smell like stripper and shame
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
