I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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