I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
