I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
