You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
