Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
