Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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