Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize