i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
