god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
