i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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