you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
