Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
