Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize