Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
