you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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