Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
