So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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