I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
