Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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