I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize