sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
