I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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