I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
