Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
