Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
