is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
