I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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