So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
