There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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