U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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