I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
