worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
