I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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