she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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