Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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