dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
high people should be assigned attendants
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
