at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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