I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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