blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
