how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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