If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
only you would photoshop your dick
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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