no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
