Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
