allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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