come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
