ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
