I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
