I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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