i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
