I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
