i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
