Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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