I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
