Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
